The Power of Forgiveness
"Forgiveness is the healing of wounds caused by another". It is our
choice to learn to let go of a past wrong and it is our choice to no
longer allow ourselves to be hurt by it. Remove your ego from the
equation. Now look at the situation. Does it appear differently? As
it was so eloquently stated by Henry Ward Beecher, when someone
says "I can forgive, but I cannot forget", it is only another way of
saying, I will not forgive.
Why Should We Forgive?
The need to understand the power and place of forgiveness in our
world is important in the healing process. It is urgent that we
examine the steps that lead to justice and strengthen society. We
need to understand how forgiveness improves the human condition. How
do we choose to forgive? What are the effects of holding grudges and
seeking revenge? We can find a way to balance our need for security
with the potential for granting forgiveness.
Forgiveness offers the possibility of two types of peace: peace of
mind -- the potential healing of old emotional wounds, and peace with
others -- the possibility of new, more gratifying relationships in
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the
strong." - Mahatma Gandhi
Author Larry James (1.) states "Forgiveness works! It is often difficult, AND it
works! We often think of forgiveness as something that someone who has done us
wrong must ask of US. There is always another way of looking at something. My
thoughts on forgiveness suggest that you focus on offering forgiveness TO the
person who has wronged you. To not forgive them is like taking the poison
(continuing to suffer for what they did or didn't do to you) and expecting THEM
Alexander Pope once said, "To err is human; to forgive, Divine."
Mr. James goes on to say "Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself.
It is not something you do FOR someone else. It is not complicated.
It is simple. Simply identify the situation to be forgiven and ask
yourself: "Am I willing to waste my energy further on this matter?"
If the answer is "No," then that's it! All is forgiven".
"The secret of forgiving everything is to understand nothing." -
George Bernard Shaw
Tools For Forgiveness
The need to understand the power and place of forgiveness in our
world is important in the healing process. See humility as
forgiveness. Your own sense of peace and contentment are born out of
forgiveness. How and when you forgive, reflects much of the way you
view yourself and the world around you. Consider these reasons and
tools for forgiving:
1. Our ability to forgiven is in direct proportion to our ability to
2. When we are able to forgive all parts of ourselves, this allows us
to be that much more perfect and whole. This in turn helps us to
forgive others for any past mistakes.
3. Remember: mistakes come from good people who from time to time
made some bad choices.
4. Judgments, resentments and grudges are destructive emotions. When
left unchecked, unresolved or not under control, they can wash away
the foundation of any relationship.
5. A wake-up call is in order! Talk it out. Resolve issues, disputes
and misunderstanding by expressing your feelings in a calm, well
thought out, civil conversation. Preferably in person.
6. When we hurt ourselves we hurt each other. Learn to forgive
yourself by releasing your guilt. Learn to forgive others by letting
go of your ego.
7. Remind yourself that we live in each other's hearts and when we
look at ourselves we see each other. When we love each other we love
8. Learn to understand the relief you gain from forgiveness.
9. Step up to the plate and speak your peace.
10. Forgiving is the ultimate in acceptance of yourself and others.
It revels a path to our true selves.
"Always forgive your enemies--nothing annoys them so much." - Oscar
The Forgiveness Workbook
This Forgiveness Worksheet or Life Workbook, is a "work-in-progress" that I have devised for my patients who are seeking a way to understand and come to terms with, the process of forgiving. This is a great way to bring the power of your thoughts, good energy and a generous way to express your true feelings on paper. This journal can be used for writing down situations and how you have experienced them. These journals are good places to record your positive outlook, your goals for achieving a path to your truths and your daily affirmation. It can allow you to look at that information later for understanding inspiration and guidance.
Tips for Understanding Forgiveness
1. Upon waking, write down the name of the person you are forgiving.
Write down what it is you are forgiving them for.
2. It is a good idea to write words such as I am, I can, I will.
3. Write down your perception of the misunderstanding.
4. Jot down significant words/phrases, that signify your mindfulness,
today. "My partner", "my great career", "my respect for myself and
5. List what negative feelings you are still holding on to. Explain
in your journal.
6. Now learn about the power of letting go of these feelings. Write
down each day, something new that you find forgivenss in doing,
seeing, saying, hearing...
7. Understand, it is now time to let go, which you will do
by____________________. (write it down). Look at it periodically.
What has positive impact on your thoughts?
8. Do you see failure as a stumbling block or a stepping stone to
forgiveness? Find three things in forgiving that make it a stepping
stone to the next level! List them now.
9. Be sure and write the time and day on the top of the page.
10. Make this journal your own! Buy or make a book that you are eager
to go to each day. Use stickers, color, doodles that all express your
journey to forgiving yourself and others.
Andrew Pacholyk, MS, L.Ac.
Therapies for healing
mind, body, spirit
(1.) Copyright © 2005 - Larry James. This reference note is reprinted with permission. - This article is adapted from Larry's books, "How to Really Love the One You're With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship," "LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing" and "Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers." Author Larry James presents seminars nationally for singles and couples. Subscribe to Larry's FREE monthly "LoveNotes for Lovers" eZINE.
Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695.
LarryJames@CelebrateLove.com - www.CelebrateLove.com
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